So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
