who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
