Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
