I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
