Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
