Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
