I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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