Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
