I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
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Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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