He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
