Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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