masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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