Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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