how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize