Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
