Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
