You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
