No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
