so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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