But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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