my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
