You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
