doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
