Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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