She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just invented taco cereal.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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