wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
