I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
