I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
