Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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