the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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