I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
