Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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