There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
