You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
