does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
