I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
