i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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