Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
