Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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