PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
