you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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