She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
