but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
