They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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