Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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