So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
