oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
