Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
