i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i love accidental penises.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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