I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will be naked everywhere
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
