One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
