also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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