Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
