she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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