if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
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Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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