Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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