My friends, they love my intelligence
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
50% drunk capacity currently
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
