i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
