he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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