her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
