I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
