So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
