I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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