so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
