It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
