so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
