she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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