I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
