no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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