My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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