the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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