Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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