why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
