Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
