3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The best revenge is premature balding
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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