i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
