god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
