what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
