i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
