Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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