new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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